Saturday, April 25, 2015

A moment of Time spent in graveyards


From the alchemist's stone, third face, eyeing the lake, the ripples stop and reflection takes shape, 
it reads:
"I am an orphan, alone; nevertheless I am found everywhere. I am one, but opposed to myself. I am youth and old man at one and the same time. I have known neither father nor mother, because I have had to be fetched out of the deep like a fish, or fell like a white stone from heaven. In woods and mountains I roam, but I am hidden in the innermost soul of man. I am mortal for everyone, yet I am not touched by the cycle of aeons*." 



*Jung, C. (1963). The Tower. In Memories, dreams, reflections (p. 227). New York: Pantheon Books.

Image By Feťour (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, Carlsbad Cemetery 2011, Czech Republic.

In case of Murder


I think about what will be under my fingernails when I die, or if I was murdered. I don't mean that in any morbid way, it's more of an underwear thing-wait-didn't your grandmother also tell you to always wear good underwear just in case? Just in case...

I watch Forensic Files when I go to sleep, not because I'm a crime junkie, but because the narrators voice is soothingly dramatic and if there is a guilty pleasure it would be my fascination with human beings unable to control their own Will. Each of the 30 minute segments which run all night have a predictably good ending, just like sit-coms, there is a moral, and 'Justice' is served-usually. Still Justice is tough to chew and doesn't taste very good to anyone I am convinced, but Forensic Files is not on the Food Network-if that were the case it would just be a tragic injustice to culinary criminology-I don't mean that in any morbid way either.

A hearing had been set for a 92 year old woman who raised chinchillas on what she called a "farm". This little old lady decided to brings charges against PETA for defamation of character. Unfortunately, she just passed away. I don't know if it was of natural causes at 92 years young, or if they checked under her fingernails and what they would have found...but they did find a warehouse full of chinchilla pelts. The judge denied a continuance in this case...

We should be more fearful of the darkness lurking inside the mind of a 13-year-old than black-skinned homeless men with empty bellies and pockets.

Last May, on a hot windy Santa Ana day, a 13-year-old girl with a raging fire inside her belly quenched her thirst with a Scripto. It was not the first time she tried to create outside what she felt inside. Fire is a living breathing force that simply needs room to grow, like a 13-year-old, when suffocated or smothered this fire will blind you with smoke in mirrors, but it's still smoldering, needing only a simple accelerant to ignite the inferno anew. Teenagers must deal with accelerants all day long trying not to get burned themselves. With wildfires sparked all around the region that day the conditions were ideal for this young girl; 40 buildings razed and a dozen families entire lives possessions thrown into the bonfire, one family for each of her smoldering years. They said she laughed about it as the bridge to her future collapses into chunks of coal.  She is still smoldering and isolated.

A sad man who felt only comfort in the accepting, always open, heavenly skies faced fear every single day-except one.

We put our lives, as though beating hearts outside of our body, into the palms of strangers for safe keeping-arrive alive, yet we still drink and drive, killing each other with machinations of pleasure-joy rides.

Murder is not up, is not down. Suicide will never be found among the wreckage in the Alps. Nor will justice...

Do you remember the character "Brian" from 'The Breakfast Club', he was the nerdy that was also “every parent's wet dream"? Not many people remember the whole confession scene, Brian's confession was down-played but ironically became more relevant than the others. He confessed that his reason for getting a Saturday school was because he brought a flare gun to school. “By mistake" it went off in his locker. Is the mistake that it went off in his locker or that he meant to bring a real gun? They laughed about it, so did I, so did you probably. Wasn't this an explosive warning? I wonder what he confessed on Sunday, that he was drowning in his parents wet dream?

According to Crime Scene Investigators living with a pet of the mammal variety, can save your life, but if not- their shedding hair can solve your murder, so you may think twice before muttering angry things while running the pet roller over your clothes before leaving the house, you would be tampering with trace evidence directly relating to your identity and interfering with the crime scene.
Pets also make you smile (inside) and never think about their own demise.
I noticed some avocado under my nail from making guacamole which I cannot eat, I wonder if they would know to classify it as a stone fruit? Would they mistake my blood for tomato?

When I was 5 my parents had a difficult time convincing me to stop sucking my thumb and to throw away my blankie-the blankie went first and I sucked away. My step-father decided before I went to sleep one night to put Tobasco sauce on my thumb. His plan backfired in my face when in my sleep I rubbed my eye. I do not eat Tobasco, or use it in guacamole, it makes me cry.

Is there a tab for the most common ingredients found under people's fingernails? Is it wrath red? Sloth blue? Sin is black outside the pale surface layers. Death seeks the immature soul in a deciduous state.

So many people feel alone on this crowded planet, as though their actions have no consequence or that they can just wash their hands of their problems by dying or causing death-but that is impossible, death is not the last word. Trace evidence will always remain part of and on our bodies. My hands get dirty sometimes, in fact I don't think my nails are completely clean as I type this, but at least my underwear is-just in case (except for a likely cat hair-or two).


Image by Albrecht Dürer circa 1508 'Study of an Apostles Hands' (Praying Hands)[Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.




Musical Chairs



Some teachers have a way of teaching that their students are unaware of being taught. Yet, they've learned something greater than that which can be instructed. It seems like every generation of modern day school kids gripe about how irrelevant the curriculum at school is to the real world, how ineffectual lessons are in school at preparing them for adult life. I also said this.  Specifically for me algebra was a bug in my super computer, a glitch that although complex theories fascinate me,I am still not able to fix or figure out the purpose of or justify to my own children the necessity of. Like Carl Jung expressed, I also cannot fathom what letters have to do with representing numbers, you don't use numbers in the crossword puzzle, and only lately (of L8) has textese become acceptable-ish. This is only grammatically acceptable in order to relieve the (increased) pressure off of our magical evolutionary thumbs and to prevent, heaven forbid, the atrophy our evolutionary gold medal emblems.
Teachers stick to routines. This is boring. Perhaps because our lives are always changing, always moving. This is why we seek comfort in consistency and desire predictability. Which, like the doppler radar, can be a good thing, but also can be wrong or *subject to change, so we probably shouldn't put all a of our a's in our x boxes, I mean eggs in the basket, or was it all the chickens in one coup? See how confusing things get when you try to use algebra? Getting back on track about routines. We like the same foods over and over, we watch the same shows, leave the house in the morning at the same time, park in the same spots, sleep on the same side of the bed (or in the middle-lucky!), and usually sit in the same spots.  It's just true (Sheldon). It is like when you're a child and you follow footprints, trails, mysterious paths laid before. Granted many of us do stray off the (beaten) path.
Then it occurred to me suddenly. Switching seats in class was the most valuable lesson I learned.  It seemed arduous, annoying, and plain meddlesome at the time, as though the teacher were merely asserting authority, disruptive-  an explanation is never given for this consistent everlasting teaching ritual.  It is no longer needed, I just learned the lesson.
Now, if I could only see the alchemy in algebra or postul8 what it is 4...



Image By Royal Air Force official photographer [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Possessed by Possesions




 This is the thing...
                                A
                        mah o  gan
                      y  py  r  amid
                    To       W      er
complete with progressively larger, inserting, and smoothly gliding from fine craftsmanship, shoe-boxed size drawer of graduating sizes and yet even more thought after -fashioned with sturdy brass oval stamps in which to hold it's nose ring pull-tab drawer handles, which reminds me of chestnut coated bull.
It poses to be modern, art deco, trendy or futuristic, yet is foreign, obscure and in some ways limited in capacity, it was never mine but comforts me with smells of sweat and cedar, drips and chips.

In my room there’s another thing...

        Ic oaken s
   cha            tr
 r                  uc
a                ture
Antique, passe, futile furniture design the secretary-not executive assistant, not girl Friday, or left hand lady, the secretary with her rolls on top, secrets divided into formal slots, sorted, lost in little cubbies and dark holes in which only she knows the depth where bad ideas and great deeds get lost…Significant or not, like handwriting that can only to translated by its own hand tracing bread crumbs of ideas in cracks to get a nibble of what was meant and intended, for what purpose do you stand?
Bellied grooves , like a whales stretched gullet -you will not leave! How to move a whale…? If I Google that Green Peace will be on me like lemon furniture oil. For now, in this unadaptable environment, a fish out of water, a roll-top desk situated anywhere. Multi-purpose morphed into antiquity, you’re not even pretty. No form, no function, no adapter or converter, just a chainsaw or a match. Desktop rolled closed in defiance.

In my dining room

Here's the thing...

RI
NG _____p ho
A                ne
LI
NG


Is it a wooden bird box on the wall inside your home? What kind of con-trap-tion is that?
Not a bird box, but it did make distinct calls-One could say…Two blackened with age but still bronzed bells at the tippy top a horn, a nose, or rather a mouthpiece, whose ear horn goes to your lobe, though not the same shape. Mounted a slanted shelf, with an edge so your pencil doesn't roll to take a message when nobody's there, to write it down, spoke secrets will remain in echoes of old machinery, or by convention as corded, grounded as could be yet for some reason
in its dead language-it calls my name still in tinny tones when I bump it. It wont fit in your pocket, or car, or even on the desk or counter-its art now. After everything retires, working no more, it rests peacefully in nostalgia. Bronzed baby shoe relic of the days when we needed an Operator to connect, instead we are the principles inventing ways to disconnect.  
In my living room.

You know that thing...
   KE
S      L  ON-Key
  ET

-that has the skeleton key always in the lock? It's not so big, a delicate piece almost feminine piece.  Obviously for decoration, like women’s pants pockets. A large housecat could fit in that cabinet though-but things…they do seem to shrink when they age, or the other way around, aging at it seems smaller, like reading print. Rich and soft dulled walnut wood its nutty such items were carved, whittle by whittle, crafted by hand, they call it “artisan”, which makes it desirable now.  Transforming effort into ornate, brown grains accentuate its lines
like it’s own wrinkles, laugh lines I mean- slightly risen, a design of futility, with a letter top drawer for unmentionables and such, to keep things when in a pinch, or out of the blue, you would never remember they were there-it’s a Justin Case.

So the thing is...

The things. The clutter and stuff of things that will never go away. That was Grandma Bean’s, this was Grandpa’s, and that is Papa Don’s, and this was my great aunt somebody’s, oh-it’s antique, well it must be valuable, like a poet post mortem.  I simply wanted for a moment or two for you to touch with your eyes, through these container words, drawing lines with your imagined strokes, where your blanks filled in are better than mine, to see the piles of trivial necessities we all live with.  What matters to things, nothing. But these things matter to us as silly as it is. Like clothes we wear them, we stage them, we bring them into our home, planting their history in our hearth too.  All these dusty old things, they may matter, they make themselves matter, standing in the way of space and nothingness, replacing a void with an object to touch, to dust, to lament over not being able to get rid of…
Not to discount, the matter of matter, that is not "the matter", as they may say.
There are true “collectors” and such who themselves likely have too much, yet pine, wood, and would need, want, must have, pining over something is what we do. You're told “something old
and new, some thing borrowed and something blue but here 's what those things truly do-
they actually own you. Back in deeds and way, for a time, where layers build under, in between, spots unseen for yours and my wonton needs of things which last and are enduring, built well, built to last, sharing the inconvenience of our redecorated palpable and wooden existence.
Re-saled, up-cycled, retro to deco-what's old in new? Gently used, lightly worn, almost true…
There's always plenty more where ever that came from the family tree, down the road, moving along to the crossroads, on the corner of “Now” and “Then” like leaves of piles, heavy with neglect begging to know, just who owns who in The End.


Scan and postprocessing image by Hubertl [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

A Reply to your letter: via Tomas Tranströmer


March 26th, 2015
Do you know why it is gray today? I'm sure you can feel the chilly vagueness in the air. I should let you know a poet died today. Tho that is not why I have chosen to stain today with inky shapes that hold nothing for you, like the dry gray sky that won't rain. It has run out of rain and words. Liquid is life, there's a dry eye in the sky.
I'm sure for the record there is some concrete statistic which scientifically, methodically, and reasonably has extrapolated a figure denoting that a poet dies every hour, or Red, Blue, Harvest, or maybe just on the New Moon.
Surely one is born every full moon.
You may also like to know, the poets are not an endangered species, at least geographically where you and I dwell, others in places and time may not have fared so well for poetry's sake.
Poets are actually quite common, like the common Mimus  polygottos, who blend in and adapt, tweaking their song and the species evolves along.
I re-tweeted the news of the death, needless to say anyway.
Another member elected into the Dead Poets Society, his name was Tomas Tranströmer, did you know him? Hear his song? Pick up a poem? Peruse his prose? I am sorry for our loss.
I just met him myself and yet he spoke to me as if we'd met before, maybe it was on the other (side of the) page.
I heard his name was swallowed by the cold empty record book. Out of sight now, recorded so we won't remember, as though we were never there too, until his name is found dusty again.
But the thoughts of a poet, as vaporous as they seem, have actually scratched the surface and etched the glass, permanently altering clarity-for a bit.
And now we know the fate of a Poet, what happens to his now homeless accolades? They can endure, choosing to evolve.
Now a reply was never sent to your open letter that floats among the continents in 60 different languages-do they all speak poetry?
Melancholy you may think-maybe-it's in-between.
I saw my reflection pouring over your letter in an office building window walking by this afternoon and there it was-stopping me in my tracks. A capital "T"!
It was crowded on the street and people were going about their day talking on or eyes glued to their cellular world, so nobody noticed what you'd given just to me, and it fit perfectly!
Sending my gratitude.
I will write again soon.

Tomas Gösta Tranströmer was a poet, psychologist and translator of Sweden born April 15th, 1931 and passed away March 26th 2015. The above piece was composed in response to his Prose titled "Reply to a Letter". 

Image of painting by Louis-Robert de Cuvillon, 1886 "Renaissance Woman reading a letter"  [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.